|Yep, this is me. Blindly running around
wondering how to do all the things and
being goofy, cute and lovable while
I’m at it. (Leave me in my denial.)
Confession: I can’t think of a single thing I actually want to write about for this post. So it’s going to quite probably turn into a bit of a rant, which still starts with R, so I’m good.
I thought of writing about responsibility, but you know what? I’ve been dealing with responsibility pretty much nonstop for a longer stretch of time than I’d care to think about right now. I’m up to my ass in responsibility, which means responsibility is at the perfect level to KISS MY ASS and get away from me!
Oh, and if you haven’t already noticed, I’m a tad crabby at the moment. I just went through a battle royale with the Beast, AKA my printer. I needed it to scan documents I promised to send my college supervisor. Even though it’s out of ink, I figured there was no way that should stop it from scanning things. (Wrong.) Luckily I’m stubborn as all get out and used the computer to overrule the printer’s objections and make it scan anyways. So that got done.
Now I have, oh, a little under an hour to finish my post for today, and write my 750 words for the day. I’d started participating in that once before and didn’t even accomplish two days before I fell off the bandwagon. Doing better now. I’m damned if I won’t make it today.
In general, though? I’m just done. Should anyone ever try to tell you that college is “easier” than university, kindly send them my way so I can beat them with the Travelling Shovel of Death. (Hey, I’m a character in the crazy novel of my life. It can work.) Eight weeks of placement with seven and a half hour days, in a classroom where seven or eight of twenty-three kids have some kind of behavioural problem going and are willing to be complete shitheads just to make everyone’s lives hell–it wears you down. Sure, some of the kids in the class are nice. The staff are great.
That said, some kids still are assholes, and those are the ones that tend to stand out in your mind at the end of the day. It’s hard to shake off the snotty little bugger who said he hates you or you’re ugly or you can’t do your job at all. Adding chronic pain to that doesn’t help. Some days are hard enough without having a back so sore I don’t feel like I can bend at all, or when my hands are curled into claws and I have to force myself to write while working with the kids. Even with the good kids and the days where the pain isn’t bad, there’s only so much a placement student like yours truly can expect her body and mind to endure without the more immediate reward of a paycheque. College diploma, all fine and dandy, but damn is it hard to get there.
Almost there. Almost there. I have five days left. I’m gonna keep reminding myself of that and look forward to it while trying to not panic at the thought of all the things I have to do in those days.